And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
