Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
