Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
