Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
