ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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