so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
