At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
