I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
