Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
