Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
