Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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