I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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