Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
