dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
