the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
