Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
