It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
