strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
