i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you inspire me to be a worse person
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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