She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
