Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
