i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
