Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
