Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
