Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just had sex bonerless
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
