There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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