I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
