your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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