There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
