You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
