First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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