yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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