I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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