Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The uberlube is also flammable
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
