I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
