We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
