DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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