There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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