you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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