More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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