3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
