new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
