Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
