Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
