made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
