just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
