So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
