I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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