Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
