who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
