Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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